Weighing Your Child and Your Options 

No matter how you’re looking to weigh your child, literally or metaphorically, there’s no reason not to do it. One quick and easy way is by weight, but that paints an incomplete picture, since 50 pounds is lean at 15, but may be a bit hard to pick up in the toddler class. This guide will sail you through the turbulent seas of child swapping.

To get your best value, consider these points:

• If you’re trying to get cash in addition to a child, you better have a premium quality kid. A relative +2 is a good guideline when looking for cash and other considerations.
• Ask yourself if you might be happier simply giving up your child or adopting an additional one outright.
• If what you want is another child, consider having one "the old fashioned way," which is to say in the missionary position, though you can spice it up a bit if you like.    
• If your child is unlikely to fetch the sort of kid you want, consider offering two-for-one, or cash equivalent to make up for the difference.
• When weighing your child literally, remember that you need to be as honest as you expect the other parents to be.   
• If you child sounds too heavy in pounds, consider listing the weight in kilograms. It’s still honest, though more confusing!    
• Avoid making unrealistic requests and be patient of others who make them. 

It’s a twisted road, this whole spawn swap business, but we’re glad to be your first choice. Hopefully this answers all the questions you could have about weighing your child, but if not, just ask us and we’ll get you squared away.